Once in a while I’m done with something. It’s the moment people in my environment better watch out, because the pugnacious woman in me woke up. It’s the time that I have more energy than I usual have and I need less sleep. My eyes are full of passion and my heart is burning. The past month this pugnacious woman in me woke up because of my irratations about our obsession about weight and being thin. So today I hope you will join the forces and help me in my fight against being thin in an unhealthy way. So let’s celebrate our female curves, take a mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top and put that fork in your cheesecake! Because today we celebrate our curves!
As you probably already read in my previous articles, I was and am fighting against an eating disorder. It actually did not start with a desperate longing for being thin, because I already was. For me it started with my life being a mess. I found my control in eating. At that point eating was the only thing I could manage. I could decide how much I ate, how late I ate and what I ate. I decided I wanted to eat healthier. So I started to eat healthier. Then I wanted to eat on regular times. So that’s what I did. But after a while the situation was getting out of hand. When I was hungry and my next eating moment was two hours away, I told myself I had to waite these two hours before eating. And besides a strict eating-moment regime, I found myself being more and more anxious about calories and carbs. In my search for healthier food, I found a lot of information about calories and carbs. I was absolutely convinced I had to eat less carbs and after a few months at dinner I was only eating vegetables.. Carbs were not allowed in my kitchen anymore..
When I had dinner with a friend, I was already nervous hours before they would come. I always tried to eat at my place, so I could decide what to eat and if that wasn’t working, I tried eating only vegetables. I stopped drinking wine, I stopped drinking hot chocolate (something I always liked so much) and I even stopped eating bread.
But a few months later, I woke up at one morning, and saw I was surrounded by hair. It was absolutely everywhere. I thought it was the changing weather or my hormons, so I forgot about it. Untill a few weeks later I washed my hair and I pulled whole strings of hair out of my head. I was shocked and called my mom in total panic. I went to the doctor, but he said it was nothing. But I was so scared. My house was covered with hairs, they were literally everywhere and every time I washed my hair, I lost almost two hands full.. So it didn’t took me long before I discovered a few places on my head that were almost bald. And even my menstruation stopped that month…
And so it went on and on. I went to the dermatologist and even to a special hospital for hair loss. And finally, after months of denying, I recognized I was dealing with an eating disorder. The first week after telling people, were very hard. I felt like I was an idiot, mentally ill and a total pariah. But everyone in my environment was so sweet to me and told me I was extremely strong and I had so much to reach for. So I made my decision to fight it and so I did. Today I already gained 3 kilogram, my hair loss isn’t that extreme anymore and I’m having periods again.
But still, my fight isn’t over yet. Besides the fact that I have to gain another 2,5 kilogram, I also want people to see how unhealthy being thin can be and how much damage you can do to your body.
And yes, I like fashion. I think most of the models are gorgious, but I also think a lot of them are extremely thin. And well, they can be because it’s their bodytype, but I hope all women realize that being thin isn’t always healthy. It’s not healthy to starve yourself. It’s not healthy to loose half of your hair and it’s not healthy if your menstruation stops. Think about the negative side effect you defenitely will experience when you try to be thin in an unhealthy way.
And besides that, love who you are. You are a woman. You are born to give birth, you need fat to have a child. You need fat to protect your body from attacks, cold and stress. Fat is so extremely important! And no it’s not about being fat, it’s about being healthy! So please women, worship that little fat on your hips, that lovely cheeks and those beautiful legs and tummy’s. Because having a little fat on your bones is making you so much more powerfull and resilient than being too thin.
If was difficult for me to tell you my story, but I hope you will learn from it. Let today be all about celebrating your healthy curves. So go make yourself that pasta with extra cheese tonight and eat a dessert afterwards or maybe two. And if you ask yourself why you deserve it? Well, you deserve it because you are a powerfull, hardworking woman. You just deserve it because you are beautiful!
Gorgeous, slim, but healty women